Welcoming and Affirming Queer Youth

GUEST WRITER: DEBORAH JODREY

All Are Welcome

Where I am from in central North Carolina, you don’t have to go very far to drive past a church in general, much less one with an “all are welcome” sign out front. For many, that sign may be enough to encourage them to go and visit that church! But for queer folks looking for a church, it takes a lot more work than that. We have to find the church’s website, determine their denominational affiliation, and search high and low for clues that point us toward what they actually mean by “all are welcome.” 

Does this church have an explicit statement of welcome on its website for LGBTQ+ and other marginalized communities? Does this church have a representation of diverse families in the photos on the website? Do we think these are real or stock photos? Do they have any queer people in leadership? Do they list pronouns next to their names? It is not just about, “Will this church let me walk in their doors?” It’s about “Will this church affirm who I am as a queer person, celebrate the ways I can contribute to the congregation, and validate the harm queer people have faced at the hands of many churches for so many years?” 

So, what does this mean for queer youth raised in these churches? And as youth ministry practitioners, what can we do to alleviate the harm that leads queer people of faith to feel as though they have to choose between who they are as a queer person and their faith tradition for the sake of their mental health?

Welcoming and Affirming

As both a queer person of faith and a youth practitioner, I am excited to share with you some things I have learned about affirming queer youth and creating spaces where they can flourish in their identity and faith. 

So, what does it mean to be affirming? How do we affirm a young person when they tell us they are queer?

Affirmation is as simple as accepting and believing someone when they tell you who they are. What a great first step! We don’t have to know all the terminology, what LGBTQ+ stands for, or what the deal is with pronouns. All we have to do is believe someone when they tell us who they are.

As Christians, we can believe someone because we believe in the work of the Holy Spirit inside each of us. This holy work is grounded in Jesus’ words themselves that the Spirit of truth now abides in each of us (John 14:17). So, as we welcome and affirm queer youth, let us trust the work of the Holy Spirit and believe people when they tell us who they are. 

Helpful Phrases When Caring for Queer Youth

Here are some helpful phrases I have learned to use when a young person approaches me to share their queer identity in order to clearly communicate that I accept and believe them:

• Thank you for trusting me with this. 
• How can I support you?
• I’m so excited for you! 
• I believe you and love you. 
• You know yourself best!
• I love you for you! 
• I am so happy you told me this, so I can know and love you better.

What other phrases can you think of to say to the queer youth in your life in order to communicate that you accept and believe them?

While some of the above phrases can be helpful, others instead communicate judgment and doubt. Here are some unhelpful phrases I have learned to avoid:

• You’re too young to know! 
• It’s just a phase.
• I’m disappointed. 
• This is wrong.
• Are you sure?
• I love you, but I cannot accept who you are.

What other phrases can you think of that you should avoid saying to the queer youth in your life?

These simple steps toward genuinely welcoming and affirming the youth in your life and congregation make a huge difference in preventing and combating the mental health struggles faced at higher degrees by queer youth than youth who do not identify as queer. 

Another way to think about welcoming and affirming LGBTQ+ youth has to do with the decor of your gathering space. What kind of art and imagery do you see around your church and youth room? Below are some resources from Illustrated Ministry that you can purchase for your space.

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Mental Health Statistics for Queer Youth

These statistics can be hard to read through, but I encourage you to do so. Take breaks as needed to understand what is at stake for our queer youth. Consider what a difference it will make if we take these steps toward believing our young people when they tell us who they are: 

• 41% of LGBTQ+ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year. Rates are even higher for trans and nonbinary youth and youth of color.
• Fewer than 40% of LGBTQ+ young people found their home to be LGBTQ+ affirming.
• A majority of LGBTQ+ young people reported being verbally harassed at school because people thought they were LGBTQ+.
• Nearly 1 in 3 LGBTQ+ young people said their mental health was poor most of the time or always due to anti-LGBTQ+ policies and legislation. 
• Transgender and nonbinary young people who reported that all of the people they live with respect their pronouns reported lower rates of suicide attempts. (Trevor Project)

Quote from the Trevor Project:

LGBTQ+ Youth who report not hearing their parents use religion to say negative things about being LGBTQ+ were at half the risk for attempting suicide in the past year compared to those who had.

Quote from Anne Harding, “Religious Faith Linked to Suicidal Behavior in LGBQ Adults”

While “religiosity is generally tied to reduced suicide risk, the opposite may be true for some young lesbian, gay and questioning folks.” Based on data from more than 21,000 U.S. college students, researchers found that greater religious feeling and engagement was tied to an increased risk of suicidal thoughts and actions for participants who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and questioning. 

Our Continued Work Together

These are just a few stats to highlight why it is so important to affirm our queer youth. If you are interested in learning more, please use the links below. Doing this work as individuals is just the beginning. As youth ministry practitioners, we have a long road ahead of us toward helping our churches and youth spaces become places of support, comfort, and justice for all people. But do not despair; there is hope because we do not travel this road alone! Thank you for reading this, and stay tuned for more resources and information as we travel this journey together toward belovedness for each and every young person we serve. 

• Glossary of Terms (Human Rights Campaign)
• Queer Grace Online Encyclopedia
• Additional statistics (Human Rights Campaign)

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